I should be in a pretty good mood. Did my regular dog walking thing and took everyone on super long walks before the rain rolled in so I should be physically worn out enough to sleep well. Did preliminary interviews with two new clients: the two pugs from Colorado and some actual pet sitting for a corgi and terrier mix.
I picked up a bit of design work. I have my little plan for finding Three a home which also involves a tiny bit of design work and it generally makes me happy to piddle away with computer design stuff. I don’t have any new symptoms and the leg stuff seems to be slowly fading away. Tomorrow should be an easy day. Regular walks plus switching the yorkie to tomorrrow evening rather than Wednesday morning which actually helps me out a bit on Wednesday and I get to seem super nice and flexible. The pugs live in a very nice apartment complex that I had no idea allowed dogs so if I can’t add some more dogs to that walk then I will be very surprised.
I just have that sort of sick to your stomach worried feeling like you have when you didn’t study for a test or something. The news about the stem cell lines is not helping my state of mind but this is more of a general, something isn’t right feeling. I just feel sad. Like, the world just seems sad. Generally this isn’t that much of a problem for me. I’m mostly concerned with day to day stuff and can count a day successful if I did x, y and z. That’s how I used to get myself through major depression stuff really: I was awake x number of hours and I managed to accomplish 6 productive things or whatever. That’s why I keep to do lists and love my pedometer.
Life is fine. I’m not upset with anyone. I’m bummed that it has occurred to me that the majority of the people in my (off-line) life that I particularly care about don’t give a fuck about my having MS or about finding a cure for it. I’m a little apalled that I can convince people I’ve never met to reconsider their views on the subject but the people I care most about can’t be bothered. That really makes me sad but that’s a personal sad at the center of a much bigger, more general sadness. I don’t even know what I want to be different really. Just something.
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